Sarah Palin is quite the show woman. She’s a former beauty queen, sports caster, grade-A politician, and now…sex tape actor! Well, almost. The Hustler magazine produced Sarah Palin porno doesn’t actually, uh, have Sarah Palin in it, but rather an actress that has an uncanny resemblance. Not Tina Fey (blasted!).

more photos after the Hockey Mom…

In the video, the Sarah Palin doppleganger is “sitting on the couch, reading ”all of the magazines.” She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. ” She hears a knock at the door and, woops, there goes the clothes! We have some excerpts from this award-winning script below:

PALIN: My oh my. That’s quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.

JOE: I have a big hammer.

PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America’s diverse tools, big and small. They’re what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.

PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!

JOE: I’m bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?

Oh, Sarah! We never knew! Well we did know you’d bust out with the “betchas” and the “don’t ya knows.” Extra credit if you can work in the whole “pit bull with lipstick” quote.

Photos: PR Photos