Yup. You read that right. The Kardashian Klan’s momager has been hired as spokemodel for a brand of lube. And strangely enough, we think it’s fitting, considering her self-admitted propensity for bedroom antics.

Kris Jenner has just been signed on as the face of Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, and she’s the first thing you see on their website telling everyone she’s “passionate” about feeling “aroused” and experiencing “deep, pleasurable sensations”…

“I know sex is going to be good with Zestra, so why have sex without it?”

She asks website visitors.

“With Zestra, having the great sex life you deserve is easier than you think.”

Wonder if Kris felt she deserved the great sex life she had when she went behind then-husband, Robert Kardashian, Sr.’s back and had wild, uncontrollable sex with a person she identifies only as “Ryan” in her semi-autobiography, “Kris Jenner and All Things Kardashian.”

We think Kris Jenner, poster child for middle-aged adulterers everywhere, is the right person for the job. Don’t you agree?

Photo Via Zestra

So if it isn’t really true, why are they going all out to stage this “fake” father-daughter photo session just to get a chance to laugh at the rumors. The guy in the photo with Khloe above is Alex Roldan, said to be Kardashian Klan momager, Kris Jenner‘s long-time hairdresser. And if alleged reports are true, Kris Jenner is planning an episode on the family’s reality show around this supposed “big reveal” of Khloe‘s real dad…

“Alex! Hmm your middle name is Alexandra RT @KylieJenner: 1st photo of my sister & her dad! Like father like daughter”

Kardashian sister, Kylie Jenner posted on Twitter.

To which Kim Kardashian laughingly responded with:

“@KylieJenner bible you guys are insane in the membrane!!!! Chill out freaks! LOL”

(Notice the word “bible?” It seems Kim‘s still all fired up about this bible study group she’s forming)

To round out the fun, Kris Jenner herself joined the conversation:

“OMG can’t anyone take a JOKE??!!!!!!! Hahahahhahh”

And to be sure everybody knew it was a joke, Kylie redundantly repeated:

“It was a joke everyone! Lol!”

Do you think these Kardashian women doth protest too much? And don’t you think Khloe Kardashian and Alex Roldan look too much alike for comfort?

Photo Via Kylie Jenner‘s Twitter

While other women would duck their heads in shame after having been divorced by their husbands for cheating, Kris Jenner has taken advantage of this titillating fact by using it to sell her books, and mentoring the alleged by-product of this affair to bring in the ratings for her family’s reality show. If that’s not talent, we don’t know what is…

That is to say…why let there be shame in announcing to the whole world one of your daughters is a bastard? We’re sure Khloe Kardashian herself won’t mind.

In fact, Fox News is currently speculating that Kris Jenner‘s long time hairdresser, Alex Roldan, may be Khloe‘s real dad. Khloe and Alex Roldan  appear to have some physical resemblances, and Khloe’s middle name just happens to be Alexandra. Coincidence?

Additionally, Roldan is 6’, definitely towering over the late Robert Kardashian, Sr. who topped the charts at 5’7.’’ And isn’t Khloe, at 5’10″, the tallest of her sisters?

We’d just love to see this big reveal episode Kris Jenner‘s reportedly planning for the show. Don’t you?

Photo By PR Photos

How highly unlikely is that?

The Kardashian Klan are currently laughing their prominent behinds off at speculations that emerged disgraced football player/actor O.J. Simpson is Khloe‘s real father. Some Hollywood rag made the dubious connection after Kris Jenner‘s made allegations in her book, “Kris Jenner and All Things Kardashian,” that she could’ve saved O.J.‘s wife, BFF Nicole Brown Simpson from being murdered in 1995. O.J. was later charged with the killings of his wife and her friend, Ronald Goldman, but Kris‘ ex-husband, the late lawyer Robert Kardashian, Sr., got him acquitted in what was termed the trial of the century…

Uh… so which part in there did O.J. find the time to father Khloe Kardashian?

“O.J. told me Khloe’s his child,”

a source told The National Enquirer.

It appears this source is currently serving time with O.J. at the Lovelock Correctional Center in Lovelock, Nevada where Simpson is currently spending the next 30 years of his 33-year imprisonment for multiple felony counts, including criminal conspiracy, kidnapping, assault, robbery, and using a deadly weapon.

Sorry O.J., not even Robert Kardashian, Sr.’s ghost can bail you out this time.

The source further alleges that Khloe’s mother Kris Jenner had several trysts with O.J. around the time Khloe was conceived. They also point out the similarities Khloe shares with O.J.’s 26-year-old daughter Sydney.

The source also said that O.J. boasted about his affair and told friends about a “secret love child” he had.

“O.J. bragged about his sex life and many female conquests, which he said included some of his best friends’ wives,”

another source told the tabloid.

“He used to tell us way back – even before he and Nicole got divorced – that he had a love child with the wife of a wealthy family.”

And to answer all these rumors and allegations, Kim Kardashian tweeted, tongue-in-cheek:

“Now we have all the answers! It makes sense now! Khloe u are so tan!”

Photos By PR Photos / Video Screen Grab

Reports have recently emerged that Khloe isn’t really the biological child of the late Robert Kardashian, famous OJ Simpson defender. In fact, two of Kardashian Senior’s former wives after Kris have agreed that even Robert himself doubted the fact of his paternity. Enter Kris Jenner‘s tell-all tome that details the adulterous affair that led to her divorce, and we just might have the identity of Khloe Kardashian‘s real father…

Excerpts from her book has Kris Jenner referring to a man named Ryan, with whom she engaged in an affair so scandalous, lawyer Robert Kardashian had his wife and her lover followed. And after he surprised them together, unceremoniously divorced her for adultery in 1989.

”One minute I was making brownies for my friends and having a family barbecue, the next I was in the middle of an insanely intense affair.”

Kris writes in her book.

“I would tell Robert I was going out to lunch and I would end up at Ryan’s apartment having crazy, fabulous sex for hours in the middle of the day. I would drop Kourtney, Kimberly, and Khloe off at school and rush straight to Ryan. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.”

Hmmm. Khloe may have been five-years-old at the time of the affair, but Kris Jenner never mentioned how far back the affair actually started.

Do you think this Ryan is actually Khloe Kardashian‘s real biological father?

Photos By PR Photos / Amazon

The Kardashians have had enough of all the negative publicity and have decided to venture into the media publication business. They are reportedly close to inking a deal with American Media Inc., a publishing company that owns Star magazine, The National Enquirer, and Shape magazine, to start a glossy magazine of their very own. A source tells Page Six:

“This is a Kardashian idea… They have been reaching out to several media outlets.”

According to reports, the Kardashian girls—Kim, Kourtney and Khloe—will be involved in all the editorial aspects of the proposed Kardashian magazine, which makes senses because they are the ones who will be heavily featured in it. Meanwhile, momager Kris Jenner will not be the mag’s editor-in-chief, but she will definitely be just as influential—maybe even more so.

A competitor snipes:

“Now the Kardashians can spin their own stories in print.”

That’s the idea, obviously.

Will you buy a magazine totally dedicated to the Kardashians?

Photo By PR Photos

The Kardashian Klan (particularly momager Kris Jenner) are apparently very upset—and rightfully so, if they are indeed innocent of any wrongdoing—over a report that they were using child slave labor sweatshops in China to manufacture Kardashian products.

Though the Kardashian brand isn’t the only one being targeted by these claims, they are the most prominent, and are therefore getting the brunt of the scandal.

After speaking with sources close to the reality TV’s most famous family, TMZ reports:

“Kris Jenner is furious — claiming the guy who runs the Institute for Global Labour and Human Rights had no right to accuse the Kardashian brands of wrongdoing because he has no tangible proof to back up his claims.”

(The guy in question is Charles Kernaghan, the man responsible for starting the story, which was immediately picked up by Star magazine).

Kris does have a point, as Kernaghan himself admitted that he never actually visited the supposed sweatshops in China and was only making an educated guess based on extensive research on the manufacturing industry in China.

So he doesn’t really know for sure, and yet he’s talking to magazines already? That’s… smart.

Not.

TMZ adds:

“Jenner also believes Star Magazine’s cover — which screamed “Kardashian Sweatshop Scandal” — was not only unfair … but libelous … and it should have to pay for any damage that has been caused to the brand’s reputation.”

No surprise there. It seems the Kardashian answer to any problem can be summed up in one, teeny-tiny word: SUE.

Photo By PR Photos

Uh, how can they not know?

The Kardashians are currently being accused of profiting from child slave labor by employing Chinese factories that offer abysmal working conditions to their workers, who are allegedly treated poorly and made to work in horrendously filthy, prison-like work areas.

Despite the accusations, however, the family is adamant that they did not know anything about it.

The Kardashians‘ rep, Jill Frizco, tells RadarOnline.com:

“This is the first we are hearing about it and take it very seriously as we would never condone this… We are presently investigating the situation.”

Seriously… how can they not know about it?

Photo By PR Photos

So are they? The Kardashians have built themselves an empire that gives them the luxury to throw extravagant weddings at the drop of a hat, but are they making use of child slave labor to keep that empire afloat? Charles Kernaghan of the Institute for Global Labour and Human Rights tells Star magazine:

“The Kardashians are in bed with some pretty bad people… Not only are celebrities like the Kardashians taking advantage of these workers, they are holding hands with a government that spits on democracy and women’s rights.”

The products in question are those from K-Dash by Kardashian, the Kris Jenner Kollection, and ShoeDazzle (of which Kim Kardashian is a co-founder and endorser). These items are reportedly manufactured in Chinese factories where the workers—who can be as young as 16 years old—earn only $1 per hour, are made to live in filthy dormitories, and are basically abused and treated like slaves.

Li Qiang, the executive director of China Labor Watch, adds:

“People like the Kardashians are producing their products in China because they will get more profit, since the labor cost is so low compared to the United States and other countries.”

Kernaghan, who says the Chinese factories are “like minimum-security prisons,” explains:

“You can’t talk during working hours… You can’t listen to music; you can’t stand up and stretch. You can’t even put your head up and look around, or you will be screamed at. If you get permission to use the toilet, you get four minutes. If you’re highly specialized, you cannot even go to the bathroom.”

Uh-oh… more bad press for the Kardashian Klan.

Photo By PR Photos

Watching Kendall’s special Sweet 16 reality show is like watching the antithesis of MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16”… because in the latter, you see 16-year-olds-to-be screaming their heads off and nearly killing their parents with all their extravagant party demands. Kendall, on the other hand, screamed her head off at her mom for trying to make her 16th party as lavish as possible—though not nearly as lavish as older sister Kim’s big fairytale wedding (and we all know how that turned out).

At the start of the show, Kendall said:

“I want this to kind of be a low key party… I don’t want this to be huge.”

She added:

“I’m really grateful for the privileges I have, but with so many families struggling, I just want to do something simple with my family and friends.”

Simple? Okay. Kris Jenner then decides to plan a huge party in the Bahamas, and then tells the rest of the family to mark the date on their calendars… but she forgot to tell the birthday girl herself, who had to find out from older sis Kourtney.

Obviously, Kris can’t deal with a simple, low-key party. They have this need to show off for the cameras, after all. Unfortunately, Kendall isn’t like Kim, who pretty much on the same wavelength as momager Kris and goes along with whatever she wants. Once she learned of her mom’s plans, Kendall confronted her and yelled:

“I’m not going to do it! Do you understand? You’re trying to make this bigger and bigger! You’re just giving me this, you’re just handing me this and I don’t want it!”

Kendall continued:

“It’s kind of embarrassing you want me to have this huge party… It just feels wrong. It’s embarrassing. There are people in the world who don’t have much and you’re just giving this to me.”

Momma Jenner then replied:

“All you had to do was tell me.”

Uh, weren’t you listening? She’s been telling you over and over, Kris.

Honestly, we think it’s pretty cool of Kendall to be want a simple party—she’s so down-to-earth, and so the opposite of her sister, Kim.

Photos By PR Photos

There may be a Kardashian boycott going on, but that didn’t stop the Kardashian Klan from doing their annual Christmas cards, which always features a gorgeous portrait of the entire family.

Obviously, every year the theme is different. This year, the family opted for a black tie theme, so all of them are clad in black—all except for matriarch Kris Jenner, who stands at the center of the photo in a striking green sequined dress.

Also, just for kicks, the Kardashians decided to make a special 3D version of their Christmas card.

Kim, who posted the photo on her blog earlier today, wrote:

“I love our family Christmas cards shoots and I think this one looks amazing!”

Do you agree with Kim? Check out the rest of the close-up shots and tell us what you think!

Photos By Nick Saglimbeni / Kim Kardashian‘s Blog

Oooh, burn!

The most prominent members of the Kardashian Klan—namely Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, and momager Kris Jenner—earned a place on Barbara Walters’ annual “10 Most Fascinating People of 2011,” and during their interview on ABC earlier this week, Barbara did not hold back, purposely bringing up Kim’s infamous sex tape and telling the Kardashians that they are talentless. She said:

“You are all famous for being famous… You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance. You don’t have any—forgive me—any talent!”

Khloe replied:

“But we’re still entertaining people.”

Kim added:

“I think it’s more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show and get people to fall in love with you for being you, so there’s definitely a lot more pressure.”

Barbara then brought up Kim’s sex tape with ex-boyfriend and hip-hop star Ray-J, which catapulted her to fame back in 2007. She asked:

“So was it a good thing to have done?”

Kim admitted:

“I’ve made mistakes in my life, for sure.”

Kris Jenner chimed in:

“And you learned a lot from that.”

Did she? Well, the most obvious lesson there is: do not make a sex tape. But what else is there?

Aside from the Kardashians, Walters’ list, which was topped by the late Apple head honcho Steve Jobs, also included Amanda Knox, Herman Cain, Donald Trump, Derek Jeter, Simon Cowell, Eric Stonestreet, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Pippa Middleton, Katy Perry.

Photos By PR Photos / Video Screen Grab

…because if he doesn’t, he’s not a real man.

Well, that’s putting it bluntly enough. Would you point a finger and say 007 wasn’t a “real man” if he didn’t apologize immediately after calling your family “f**king idiots?” Because Daniel Craig did exactly that last month on  GQ UK magazine, bashing the Kardashians for selling themselves out to the public and they crying out for privacy…

“Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think ‘what, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f—ing idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions.’”

Craig is quoted as saying in the magazine. And Kris Kardashian isn’t having any of that.

“[He has] crossed the line. It’s not made him look like the world’s nicest guy. The right thing for a real man to do now would be to issue a public apology,”

Kris told The National Enquirer, insinuating the English actor isn’t a “real man” at all.

“The easy thing would be to criticize his career now, but our family won’t stoop to that level.”

And star news thinks that’s exactly the kind of high road Kris Jenner should take right now, because why would the momager of a reality starlet cast aspersions on the character of an international A-list actor?

Oh, wait…she just did.

Do you think Daniel Craig‘s apologizing for his insult, or should he risk the Kardashians calling his manhood into question?

Photos By PR Photos

Cue gasp.

The Kardashian Klan’s Holiday celebrations won’t be televised, and it has a lot to do with the fact that the family is under fire following Kim’s abrupt decision to end her marriage and file for divorce from 72-day hubby Kris Humphries. The New York Post reports:

“…the Kardashian klan was in talks to produce a festive Kardashian Khristmas special on E!, but the idea has been scrapped since Kim’s divorce from Kris Humphries.”

The site adds:

“An insider says apart from the unhappy split, family members including sisters Kourtney and Khloe, brother Rob, and parents Kris and Bruce Jenner had “too many commitments” to film the show together.”

It makes us wonder… did the Kardashians really make the decision to not air a Christmas special, or is the “No More Kardashian” boycott petition finally working?

image via WENN

Ironic, isn’t it?

According to recent star news, Kris is very worried about all the bad press Kim’s impending divorce has brought upon the Kardashian Klan, which is why she’s decided to do some serious damage control… by keeping Kim out of the public’s eye. An insider close to the family tells RadarOnline.com:

“They did not anticipate the extreme backlash and the damage it would cause to the K-brand as a whole. The whole empire has been affected by this dumb marriage and Kris Jenner is all about getting paid.”

Remember when Kim dropped off the radar for a while after she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries? Well, that was all thanks to Kris Jenner—she decided to limit Kim’s public appearances so as not to exacerbate the growing hatred towards the Kardashians that was brought on by Kim’s 72-day marriage.

As per Kris’ instructions, Kim will avoid any kind of public appearance or interview until their reality show airs. The source explains:

“Kris wants to make sure that the ratings are huge for their show and she knows that if Kim stays under the radar until that airs again they’ll get the maximum publicity out of her situation.”

Hmm. Do you think keeping Kim out of the public’s eye will help their situation?

image via WENN

It seems Kris is taking the formula that made her daughter Kim Kardashian infamous (the sex tape) and channeling it into a book. So the momager isn’t content to stay in the sidelines now, eh? She wants a piece of the fame cake, too.

Either that or she’s promoting her book like crazy to divert attention away from Kim and her 72-day marriage fiasco.

“Robert had been the only man in my life since I was 18,”

Kris admits in her book.

“I don’t know why I was having a mid-life crisis at 30, but I was. His name was Ryan, and he was a producer. We had wild sex everywhere, all the time.”

Have any of her kids read her book? They’re okay all this coming out?

“When you’re very young you do a lot of stupid things. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life that I ended up having an affair,”

Kris further explains.

“[I was] probably just really naive and stupid and restless and didn’t realize that marriage has it ups and downs.”

In that case, she should have released this book sooner so Kim could’ve learned some life lessons reading it instead of fleeing from her 72-day marriage because she wasn’t “happy”.

In the end, Robert Kardashian caught his wife red-handed after he had her and her paramour followed to a restaurant. He promptly filed for divorce and Kris was left a single parent to four young children.

So ladies and gents…and especially Kim…Kris Jenner‘s book is a must-read. You simply must buy it so you can forget about Kim Kardashian’s divorce folly for a while.

Image via WENN

Surely, it wasn’t Kris Jenner herself, was it?

Let’s review the Kardashians’ reported take on the wedding booty:

- $15 million-plus extra profit for ad spots sold during the televised wedding specials…

- $2.5 million from People for exclusive photos…

- $300,000 for exclusive engagement announcement in People…

- $100,000 for exclusive bridal shower pics to Britain’s OK! magazine…

- $50,000 to host the bachelorette party at Tao nightclub in Las Vegas…

And momager Kris Jenner claims poor Kim didn’t get a single dime from all the above.

“She didn’t make a dime off of this wedding,”

Jenner insists.

“She actually spent millions of dollars on this wedding, so it’s not something that she thought would ever not be happily ever after.”

She continues to defend her daughter, saying:

“[Kim's] not the first person in the world to get a divorce or have something like this happen to, and she won’t be the last. She just happens to be a very public person with a couple of television shows on the air so it makes it bigger than life.”

And what about those bigger than life wedding gifts Kim received in honor of her 72-day wedding? Will Kris Jenner‘s daughter get to keep them, too?

“I’m sure Kim will make a ginormous donation, as she does all the time anyway, very quietly, to a wonderfully deserving charity or children’s hospital or something like that.”

That would be great! Entertainment news just heard that the 99% protesting for Occupy Wall Street could use the money for their families…

Image via WENN

Kim and Kris have been in the United Arab Emirates principality since last week to promote the Millions of Milkshakes branch opening at Dubai Mall, the world’s biggest mall.

Kim has been hard at work since then, strutting the catwalk at the mall, attending press conferences, posing for pictures with minor royalty, and even wearing a traditional burka.

“WOW, now this is what I call a warm middle eastern welcome,”

Kim sent via Twitter.

And what a welcome it is indeed, if her host, Dubai’s Millions of Milkshakes owner, Sheeraz Hazan, thought it only fitting to book Kim and momager Kris in the $8,000-a-night Poseidon suit of the Atlantis Hotel in man-made island resort, The Dubai Palm. For free.

And we’re not yet counting Kim and Kris‘ appearance fees, of course…

Images via video grabs.

Either grandson Mason simply isn’t enough for her, or Kris Jenner‘s thinking of launching a whole season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” filled with nausea, vomiting, hemorrhoids, and weird food cravings, interspersed with a Kardashian baby bump fashion line, accessories, fragrances, and commemorative mugs.

Oh, and maybe a couple of episodes on miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies or stillbirths.

Really, what’s a mother to do when more than half her offspring’s composed of brood mares?

Not surprisingly, Hollywood rumors knows for a fact that Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are in on this plan.

“That would be a dream! All three of us pregnant at the same time? That would be amazing!”

Kim, who was spotted buying home pregnancy tests in Italy, gushed.

“I would love more grandchildren,”

Kris has said.

“Mason is the love of our lives, and he is so much fun, but there’s only one Mason to go around. It would be nice if we had some more.”

And by some more, she means ratings and profit incentives, of course. Maybe Kris should book a consultation for her girls with Octomom’s OB-Gyne.

Image via WENN

But that doesn’t faze Kris Jenner, whom Hollywood rumors believes owns her newest son-in-law’s soul now, ever since she took full control of Kim‘s wedding and ordered poor Kris Humphries and his family around like hired lackeys. And she justifies all this with the $17 million she raised by orchestrating their extremely well-publicized union…

“Kris runs the entire family like a business and that’s why they are all so successful,”

a family friend reveals.

“Now that Kris [Humphries] is married to the families biggest asset, Kris [Jenner] is going to make sure that she is making all the business decisions.”

In fact…

“Kris is already in early negotiations to brand the newlywed couple today with fragrance deals and other endorsements. She isn’t going to let some other manager with a different agenda get in the way of that. The amount of money this couple has already made from selling coverage of the wedding is millions and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Expect his and her clothes, towels, watches, shoes and by the time they have a baby together, forget it. They will be able to buy the bank.”

Watch your equipment, Kris Humphries. Your mom-in-law plans to pump it dry to get the baby mill going because she wants her own Swiss bank now.

Images via WENN